It's not over, but just begun!

How could we ever count all the blessings?

It was an amazing day.  It was overwhelming.  It was a blur.

We knew it would be so there were certain moments where we just squeezed each others hands and reminded ourselves that this was one of those moments we would want to remember forever.  And so far, we still do.

It's kind of crazy to think about all the work that was done, all the people that were involved and to see it all pass by.  There were things that went exactly as planned.  There were things that weren't quite as planned, but all worked out just fine.  And there were a few things that were lovely to the average observer, and yet were shockingly not what we had planned.  But in the end those things were completely unimportant.  In the last few days when we've talked all about the ceremony and the reception - no one talks about those things. They are just in the background.

There are so many memories.  And yet - we know how many things we missed.  So for the last few days we've been asking everyone for two things - their photos and their memories.  For the photos we have created an "album" on a site called zangzing.com which is specifically made for groups where a large number of people are all taking pictures at the same event.  Everyone can drop off their pictures, and if you see one you like that someone else took you can download it and have it as your own.  No need to pay for a thing or get a print.  Just download and it's yours.  Have some pictures and want to be a part of the party?

To view or post to the album, go to http://www.zangzing.com/ourfabadv/union

To email over your pictures, send them to union@ourfabadv.zangzing.com

And as for the stories - why don't you post some of them here?  We would love to see your comments with memories, stories and some of the fun details that we didn't get to see!

Over the next few days we'll post some of the things that YOU didn't get to be around for - background info, behind the scenes pics as well as the much requested meditation that Pastor Barb did during the ceremony.  But first - let's see those pictures and hear those stories!  We're all eyes and ears!

K&K

T-minus 31 hours

One day.

That's all that's left.  Just one day.

Where did all the time go?  What happened to all the vendors and planners we talked to who said "October of 2011?   Heck, you have plenty of time!"?  Where did the time go?

So, at 2pm today our coordinator Shelly is coming to pick up all the big stuff for the big day.  Really excited for that as right now there are so many piles and boxes it looks like we're moving out.  Almost every room that was cleaned, now looks half a wreck with half completed projects here and there.  And we have just less than 6 hours to complete most of them. 

But I had to take a moment and actually jump on here to chat about where we are in all of this. 

We will love each other forever but have mutually decided that writing vows sucks.  Too much pressure to say and do just the right thing. And trying to write vows while downloading music and working on seating charts and packing boxes is really not a good thing.

We love having friends and family around us, and we love how helpful they can be.  But sometimes as much as we'd love to talk about old times or answer more questions about how excited we are - we really just want to get stuff done.  And yes, it's awesome to be able to plan a few things where you step away from the madness and escape for a few.  But it's even better when a group of folks work together to get stuff done.  We had so much fun at our Wedding Craft-a-palooza and it will be on of our great pre-wedding memories.  (I wish I'd taken some pictures that I could actually share pre-wedding, but they are all day-of goodies so unless you were working on them - no sneak peaks!)  My personal lesson from this is that in the future I need to be better at volunteering to help others and not waiting to be asked. 

We have amazing friends and family. So many folks have stepped forward and done amazing things to help us.  We are so amazingly thankful.  And the pre-wedding gifts have been absolutely out of this world.  Writing about them is almost like having to write vows - so I'll put it off a bit longer...  

Planning a night of bowling the night before you are going to have many pictures taken of your hands was not good planning on our part. Lots of others aren't interested in breaking a nail before the big day either.  So with about 10 hours to go we are back to the drawing board on what to do tonight for reception dinner and event.  It sounded like a great idea - but apparently, not so much.

While Hobby Lobby is an evangelical Christian owned company who would not be supportive of our Holy Union - we have grown to love their store.  And their employees have been supportive even when we shared what it's all about.  There are so many stories in corporate America where employees don't live up to the high levels of their corporate service model - but in this case I think they have officially exceeded it. 

We have no concept of how long it will take to complete tasks.  Can't tell you how many times we started a "15 minute" task and were still working on it 2 days later.

As I was writing this, Kandi walked over and I asked her if she had any special thoughts or memories to add.  She asked what I said so far.  When I read it to her she said what a great job I did, and what a great job I've done on so much of this.  And as she looked at me, being so loving at supportive on something as small as a blog post, I was reminded that the thing I did the greatest job on was in finding and keeping her. 

Forever and ever, baby.  And ever. 

We're alright. No lie.

Today we got a letter in the mail.  It came in a cute envelope and I saw it was from my family out of state.  The next thing I noticed was that the stamp they used is one of the post office's official wedding stamps.  The one on the envelope is called Wedding Roses.  I thought - how sweet that they would reply to our invitation, even though we knew that they wouldn't be able to make it due to other family obligations - and they even used a wedding stamp!  I was excited to open it.

I agree that it is great to have close female friends.  I have several of those that match that description exactly.  Those friendships have maintained through things like distance, motherhood, drug treatment, unemployment, prison, and other issues that would test many of the strongest friendships - but ours have survived.  I value those strong friendships very much.  That is not what I have with Kandice.

Kandice and I do have a great friendship.  I believe that friendship is one of the important building blocks of a healthy long term relationship. But that is one aspect of our relationship.  When she makes me dinner she is not my cook and when I trim the trees in the front yard I am not her landscaper.  She is my partner.

A bit of a technicality now.  You were not invited to a marriage or a 'wedding'.  The invitation was to our Holy Union ceremony.  At our church.  Performed by our pastors.  Pastors ordained by the United Church of Christ.  Pastors who are actually pretty excited about it.  And we are pretty excited too.

I'm sorry you can't rejoice at our happiness.  While it makes me sad for you, it doesn't change my happiness.  As for a "lie that same-sex marriage is alright" - I'm not sure what you mean.  I don't believe I was lied to.

Same-sex marriage is not legally recognized by our state.  No one lied to me to say that it was.  Our Holy Union ceremony is between us, with the help and blessings of God, our family and friends.  No lie.

But if you really feel that a commitment to God isn't a enough for you - though it is for us - we can shows you our piece of paper with our signatures on it that was authorized by the state just like a wedding license.  It's our domestic partnership papers.  No lie. 

No one lied to say that same-sex marriage is alright.  When done properly - it's awesome.

And one day same-sex marriage won't be alright - it will be A right.

No lie.

There's an ap for that

One night we were out and I was watching Kandi play spades with friends, which I really enjoy.  I was messing around with my phone, checking Facebook, looking at our wedding email address and then a thought popped in to my head.

"I wonder if they have any Wedding Aps?"

So I went to the little marketplace and typed in Wedding.  Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds.

I was impressed.  I figured I'd just look for fun.  See if something jumped out at me.

Wedding countdown calendar?  Sure, that could be fun.  Downloaded it and while it was downloading I went back to watching the game.

A few days later we were meeting with a potential wedding coordinator and she asked how long until the wedding (instead of just asking for the date) and suddenly that ap popped into my mind.  There is was.  Just one click of a button and I could tell her exactly.

Crap.

As of this very second I we have 3 Months, 28 Days, 9 hours, 22 minutes and 37 seconds.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW MANY SECONDS!!!
NO ONE WILL EVER NEED TO KNOW THE SECONDS!!!

I don't need to be riveted as I watch the seconds tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick by.  And then, it's gone.  For every second you watch slip by, another minute is right behind it.  And soon the days are falling past us and we wonder where the time went.

I haven't deleted the ap.

I know, call me a masochist.  Tell me I'm crazy. 

But you know what - I can't get rid of the hope that there is going to be a time when I see that time and instead of thinking "oh crap!" I get excited.  When all of the planning is done.  When there is nothing left for us to do but get our hair done, put on something pretty and pledge our love forever and ever in front of folks who will hold us to it.

That time may not come until we're down to less than 12 hours away.  Down to when our new wedding coordinator Shelly are firmly in control of the reins and we can just sit back and enjoy the moment.  And at that moment I will be more and more excited for every little tick, tick, tick.

PS. Want to be similarly riveted?   Scroll to the bottom of the page...

A lovely "normal" Easter

Easter was lovely.  Nice break from thinking about wedding details.  Went to church.  Had friends and family over for a nice Easter dinner.  It was absolutely perfect in that absolutely normal kind of way. 

And that got me thinking...

One thing that I keep thinking about, but haven't chatted about is the absolutely normal way it's all gone.  That may sound strange but let me say it's really not what we expected when we started this process. 

We thought the church might say no. For year's we'd wondered, scared to find out what they would say.  Instead they came to us before we could even come to them.  There have been nothing but loving open arms. 

We thought looking for vendors would require lots of explanation. We expected to have our "Actually there isn't a groom - this is my partner Kandi" to be followed by the dreaded - "oh.....<silence and judgmental stare>".  You know what we got instead?  "Really?  That's awesome!"  or "That would be so cool - I haven't done a same-sex ceremony before and I really wanted to!".  I'd say that we've been shocked, but there was nothing shocking about it.  It all felt so...normal.

And let's remember - this is Arizona.  Just a few years ago my state, that I love so much, voted though a constitutional amendment restricting marriage to only Man+Woman.  It was the same election cycle that passed Prop 8 and elected Obama.  Talk about mixed emotions. We actually went to a protest the next day.  I think Kandi's sign said it all...

We are happy to fight for our rights, but we were not looking forward to the "fight" for our catering rights.  Or the "struggle" for photographic equality.  But we were ready.  And then...

It was easy.  It was normal.  Everyone loved us.  Everyone wanted to work with us. 

Now don't think I'm so in the wedding haze that the thought is ever lost on me that of COURSE they want to work with us.  Gay wedding $ spends just as good as straight wedding $ and when times are tight, as we all know they are - business is business.  And I know that the folks we're talking to live and die by their ability to make couples feel good.  Make them feel happy and cozy and loved so they'll fork over their hard earned (or Daddy's hard earned) cash.  But at the same time, our B.S. meters are pretty high.  We can normally detect a fake comment.  And we have.  But those were the "I say this to all the brides because it makes them happy" kind of comments.  Hard to fault someone from a few of those when they do this over, and over, and over again.  

But just as there is something wonderful about a holiday with family and friends that goes so smoothly you might call it the "same old boring thing" when you loved every minute of it, this process has been the same old boring wedding planning thing.  Go to bridal shows.  Taste cakes.  Try caterers. Try on dress.  Same old.  Same old.  No one blinks an eye - unless it's a positive comment.   How amazing they think it is that we've been together 10 years.  How they think it's so stupid it's not legal in the state.  How generally awesome they think we are. 

No struggle.  No push back.  Just love. 

Just a normal wedding.  For two fabulous "normal" girls. 

It's "almost completely" official!!

It just took one phone call and then...

We have a date!

Yes, we officially have a date on hold at the place we recently found.  We talked with someone after hours today to get the details and they were able to hold the date.  We were excited, and began calling friends and family.

And then, it just took one phone call to potentially change the date.  Turns out that my mom's job has 7 days in the middle of October where absolutely no one is allowed to take a day off.  Our originally planned date falls on the first of those 7 days. So, she will be going to work on Monday to do some begging to have the day off, or at least a half day.  If that doesn't work out, we may have to talk about changing the date.  There are very, very few people we would change a date for, but a mom absolutely ranks on that list.  We thought briefly about doing it on November 11th, but Kandi's mom was worried about flying out in November Ohio weather.  So we went back to our original October plans.  Mom's are important.  And, being that less than 10 people have heard the date so far, it wouldn't throw too much off if we had to change it now as long as we know very very soon.  Of course we hope that they will be accommodating at her job - but if not we know that we will have to be. 

Now, on to better news.

On Saturday we had a bit of an adventure.  We took Kandi's Aunt Patti, my mom and brother to go see the reception site.  Neither of them had seen it before so it was fun to see it through their eyes for the first time.  And while we knew it was awesome, it was still a bit of a relief to see that they all liked it too!  And, in the week since we were last there they are building a new structure outside.  It will be ready in the next week or two so we'll have lots of time to think about how we might use it in our grand plans!  While we were there we got to see Emily, who we spoke with at the desk the first day, and she was excited for us to have secured a date too.

We then rushed off from there to a wedding dress shopping trip!  My brother went home, and Kandi came in to watch us get all set up, and get a tour of the huge facility at Azteca Bridal, but walked outside for the actual search and try on parts.  :)  We're so traditional that way.  We figured we'd be about 45 minutes.

We walked out of there two and a half hours later.  We had no idea it had been that long.  Kandi just about killed her phone's battery playing Angry Birds, but at least she had that to keep her busy. Well, that and the handy restaurant bar in the same plaza.  Seriously, the bridal place should give all the future spouses a discount card. When we walked out there were 6-8 guys sitting there staring at the traffic as it went by for lack of anything else to do.

There were some great dresses and I found a few that I was surprised I liked.  One in particular seemed really nice.  The girl trying on dresses next to me said that another shop had it for even less - and conveniently I have an appointment there this week!

On Sunday, we had a wonderful development.  Kandi's mom and Grandma called specifically to ask what colors we were using so they could work on finding color coordinating outfits.  Both of them.  This is kinda huge.  Kandi's Grandma wasn't exactly hot on the idea of any non boy-girl wedding based on her religious beliefs.  Early on, she expressed her doubts that she would be willing to attend.  But more recently, she's talked with Kandi about what she's going to be wearing and even sent her a few catalogs.  And now - she wants to pick out an outfit.  That's the power of positive prayer right there!  :)

So - we know we have a church.  We know we have a reception spot.  We know we'll have our family around us.  Now everything else will fall into place, right?

Right?

I hear the laughter already from all the bridal websites I've read before.

Ok, it won't fall into place.  There will be a huge amount of work and a huge amount of money that we still don't know where it will all come from and yet - we know that we have the important pieces.  The rest is just details.

Many.

Many.  Many details.

Did someone just flip a switch?

We had the most amazing weekend. We did the annual Art Detour, which is always amazing. It sort of had a wedding theme as several of the places we went, in addition to art galleries, were possible reception spots. Our friend Karen joined us and it was great to spend time with her. When we went to lunch we ran into our friend Brian. Running into friends is not something that happens easily in Phoenix. We are a huge city and folks can be so spread out around town you are quite unlikely to be in similar places. Running into a friend is an awesome treat! And as a bonus - these are both friends that if we were doing a wedding party they would be in it. Wedding planning, friends AND art. Heaven.

After dropping off Karen, we decided to stop by a location that we had contemplated once as a reception site back before there was a ring and we were "officially" looking for anything. After looking around and talking about how cool it could be - we decided to ask if they rented the space. Turns out they do. They have only had 2 other weddings there. We got excited. She didn't have the full pricing details, but she gave us what she did know and let me just say - we were excited! And that is exactly why I'm not giving the name of the place! :) Let me just say - it really is amazing. It's a place that is very us, but isn't a place we've been with anyone else, or that anyone else would even know is very us. So - we've emailed someone there to get more details and will be holding our fingers very, very tightly until we hear back from them.

After all that, we were feeling more positive about the idea of actually having the ceremony this year than we have in a long, long time. We decided to go get some ice cream and hang out in our nearby park to enjoy the amazing weather. Looking around there we talked about how beautiful that spot is, and that we'll need to plan some kind of family picnic there when all the family is in town. We've talked about it before, but this time just felt more "real". Like it wasn't just an idea - but that it was really going to happen.

We met another friend that night in another downtown spot. From there, I went home to spend the next few hours updating our Ceremony spread sheet and trying to get equipment rental prices for some new ideas we had. Kandi spent the last few hours of the night at the casino trying to add to the wedding funds. No such luck that night - but she still had a great time!

Sunday after church we went to a family picnic where I saw some 2nd and 3rd level cousins I haven't seen in a good 15 to 25 years. We had a good time and enjoyed seeing family.

Really great weekend. It was so focused on friends, family and ceremony stuff woven into it all. But what's even better is that it didn't END with the weekend!

Tonight after work we had a questionable dinner - we went to a cake tasting! We planned to eat something great when we got home, but were both too full of cake! We came up with some amazing ideas that we are really excited about too!

Tomorrow I go try on dresses. Maybe I should have planned that before the cake tasting? :) It's at David's Bridal and I'll be honest that my hopes are NOT high! I've heard some really horrible experiences from brides over a size 12. If you can't try on a dress that even sort of fits - it's hard to really make that non-refundable hundreds of dollars custom dress kind of decision. But - I'm willing to give it a go!

Thursday we have our very first caterer tasting with Magic Touch Catering. Their appetizers were SO good at the vendor showcase at Bentley Projects that we've been talking about them since then. We knew we had to make the appointment!

Whew! So much in such a short period of time! Did I mention how excited we are? We're so excited to see where some of the updates from this weekend take us! It's definitely proving to be a fabulous adventure!

Thanksgiving in retrospect

We had a wonderful holiday long weekend filled with some of the best things in life - friends, family and shopping.

Wednesday I made some traditional pumpkin pies and then some rolls that were famously made by my Aunt Mary Jane who hasn't been with us for several years now. I don't make them often because they take SO much time and are never as good as when she made them. But they remind me of her every time as I had her describe to me how to make them and I wrote down every word she said. It cracks me up every time when I get to the line about when to turn your oven on because if you do it any earlier you will run up your electricity bill. Gotta love it.

Thursday, Thanksgiving day, was wonderful. Just Kandi and I cooking, watching the parade and house prepping until late afternoon. Going to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is totally on our bucket list. We event talked at one point Thursday about making that our Honeymoon since the timing would be almost perfect but know it will likely have to wait for another year. We had a small group of family and friends that came over about 4 and were there until after 10pm. Late in the night we were able to get some wedding day opinions from them which proved to be very interesting. Got their thoughts on week day vs. weekend, start times, colors, indoor/outdoor etc. It was nice to run them by other folks but at the same time, we later discussed that it was also a reminder of why we are likely to do it on our own for most of the planning. While we like other folks input here and there, for some of the items we don't want to hear that someone else doesn't "love" something we love. It was really great to do at this point in the process.

Friday we'd planned to go to the stores nice and early to get some deals. When the alarm when off that morning we decided that we would actually rather just sleep and save the money. Later that day we went to Pie Party - our friends Kate & John's annual must attend event. Their house is amazing and I've loved it since I first met them 10 years ago and it just gets better. They have done such great things with it. (Though I still miss the 50's style booth in the eat in part of the kitchen - I will admit that their re-do of the kitchen is absolutely fantastic) One day when I was feeling frustrated with the the costs and obstacles in selecting a reception venue I'd joked to Kandi that we were just going to do it at Kate's house and that I'd let her know when we saw her for Pie Party. When I mentioned that to Kate she said that the people who lived there before them actually HAD hosted several weddings in their back yard. I think we'll keep her house off the official list for now, but if I don't get a job in the next few months - it goes on the list. :)

Saturday we decided to do just a little bit of shopping. Bought a few Christmas gifts AND bought a few wedding things. Two small things and one big thing. We bought a wax stamp to be able to put on the back of the invitations with a design we really liked, and we bought matching white hats with "BRIDE" in rhinestone on the front. Then our big thing was a treadmill. Doesn't seem very wedding-y I know, but it is. We've been working on getting healthy over the last few years but have never been great about working out. We know that we both want to be healthier (Not skinny - just healthier than our current weight) by the time of our ceremony so this was a huge step. It was a great sale and we've talked about getting one for years so we decided to take the plunge. We spent the evening with friends playing board games and eating pizza. Not super healthy - but not awful.

Sunday was all about being lazy, relaxing and then putting together the treadmill. Successful on all counts. We love lazy Sundays and it was great to have after a busy weekend. Gave us time to really think about our week, and talk about how thankful we were for everything we have and the great friends and family who are in our life. Hope you are still thankful to be in our lives after all the DIY adventures we're sure to have as we get closer and closer to the big day! You didn't know about that? Well, consider yourselves warned. :)

Thanksgiving blessings

Ahh.... Thanksgiving. A time to be thankful, be with friends and family, and generally stuff yourself. It's also the beginning of the "season of traditions". You know - "my family does it like this..." or "When I was a kid we did this and I want it to be like that for our kids". For new families it is one of the times of greatest stress because each person wants exactly what they want which leaves very little room for their equal partner to have things just the way they want.

Our First Thanksgiving together we didn't really spend together. While we were largely inseparable, we didn't actually live together. She went to her aunt's house and I went with my family. We spoke on the phone a few times during the day of but didn't see each other until that evening.

For our second Thanksgiving we were living together and Kandi came to my family's Thanksgiving celebration. Though the idea of having all the family together was certainly right up her alley, almost none of the food felt like "Thanksgiving" to her. So, she called her family back in Ohio and got them to explain over the phone to her everything that she would need to make a Thanksgiving meal. The next day, when we should have been out enjoying the crush of fellow shoppers, we made Kandi's Thanksgiving. Rather than make a big turkey she did Cornish hens, cornbread dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, and greens. All from scratch. All amazing. Something I was just reminded of this year - she had never made any of these items before, but it was important to her to have them - so she did them. I was impressed.

By Thanksgiving #3 we had a house that we'd rented together and we decided to have family and friends over to our house. I remember we used our dining room table, 2 card tables and 2 TV Trays pushed together. They had already learned that when Kandi cooked - it was an event not to be missed. Kandi fried the turkey in the backyard, we did a coke and brown sugar ham, her Grandmother's cornbread dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, greens with a smokey ham hock, potato salad and her Grandmother's famous pound cake for dessert. And was it ever a hit!!! The turkey was gone so fast I didn't even get a serving. One of my brothers made his second plate almost completely macaroni and cheese and even though he doesn't eat pork, he ate the heck out of those greens. By the end of that meal our new family tradition was set. Kandi makes her "standards" and friends and family bring over their pot-luck sides.

Most years we have had 12-18 people but somehow this year we have a tiny group. Just 9 folks are expected here. We haven't had "single digits" ever before. Ever. But while our numbers are fewer, our food is still big. :) Sure, she cut back on making quite so many pans of dressing and mac and cheese (though she still knew to make 2 pans with my brothers coming...) we still have a ton of options. Everyone can be stuffed and we'll still have a gob of leftovers. Our guest list may be small but our food and thanks are plenty. We've had many blessings this year.

While I may be unemployed now - we are ever so thankful for the temporary job I had last year. Not only did that keep us going as a household it also helped bring a full time job to Aunt Patti and a part time job to Kandi. Little did I know that many of the dollars earned at that part time job were going to the beautiful diamond ring on my hand right now. While we have family that is still struggling to embrace that "the greatest of these is love", we are so thankful for the friends and family and neighbors and practical strangers who have shared love and tears of joy when hearing of our engagement. Those special moments and conversations have filled our hearts in ways you might never have realized.

We are thankful to have almost accidentally found an amazing church filled with history, stained glass, traditions and so much love it's just about bursting from the seams. We've been going about 4 years now and since most of the congregation are senior citizens we've seen our numbers drop more and more each year. That said, they give us hope every Sunday. When celebrating a congregant's 90th birthday last month and seeing pictures of he and his wife when they were barely in their 20's - we saw what we hope to be. Each person is so special to us, and knowing that even in this traditional congregation our love is so embraced and celebrated by folks who came from a generation or two ahead of us is something we never could have imagined - and yet now can't imagine being without.

We are thankful for Pastor Barb who asked us to be the first Holy Union for the church. It touched us more than you will know. Your sermons both inspire us and make us think. We couldn't have any one else lead us on our special day.

And of course - we are thankful for each other. No one else deserves us and no one else would put up with us. I say it regularly and it's always true - I love you more every day. Every. Single. Day. More.

Happy Thanksgiving to my baby and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Facebook official

I didn't even know it was an option, but thanks to Kandi we are now "Facebook official" and have changed our "status" to engaged. Officially moved from "in a relationship with ___" to "Engaged to ____". As often happens several folks commented or "Liked" the status update and every one makes us smile and feel that extra bit of excitement and warmth that we're supposed to feel at this time.

Because we aren't your average John and Jane getting hitched, while those "Like's" are appreciated, we also have to steady ourselves for the Un-likes. Of course we expect to get that from individuals of some circles of society who feel that this is somehow "wrong" and those are certainly easy to take. They can have their opinion and we have ours. We have a strong relationship with our church and our patriotism and no criticism from the outside world will change that.

That's not to say that it doesn't hurt a bit when it comes from your family.

My coming out process went something like this.
Me: Mom, I'm dating a girl.
Mom: That's nice. Did I tell you what happened at work the other day?

For Kandi it wasn't quite that simple. I'll always remember having to hide in her room when an old friend of her's dropped by or needing to be extra quiet when she was on the phone with family. We were together about 9 months before she told her mom. And it took almost an extra year before she told the rest of the family. I was "her friend" for quite a while but over the years as they've gotten to know me better I became their daughter, their cousin, their granddaughter their niece - their family. It was a slow process - but one we knew would be worth the wait. For those that are on Facebook I was added to their Family Tree. We were Facebook Official family.

Kandi and I imagined that the engagement excitement would pick up on where we are now, but have found that for some members of our family it's the coming out process all over again. I anticipated that quite a bit of my extended family would fall into the "polite but unaccepting" category when it came to our announcement. My side of the family isn't exceptionally close and in our 10 years together they many have seen Kandi, and me for that matter, only a few times. This distance allows me to not be too upset when those "polite unlike" opinions come, but to be happy when true congratulations are given.

Kandi's family is very close. They have the kind of relationship I'd heard of in movies but didn't really think existed until I met her. Aunts, uncles, cousins - they all talk on the phone at least once a week. They call just to say hello. They call to talk about something they saw on TV. They call to talk about things that happened in their home town - as most of the group still live there in a 15 minute range of each other. And of course, they call to talk about each other. It's awesome.

It's been 4 months since she bought the ring and several weeks since I had it on my finger and only two members of her family have really said congratulations. Some have changed the topic. Several others have shared their conflicted disapproval. This is of course difficult. And unfortunate.

I firmly believe that just as the initial acceptance took some time, so will the acceptance that we are having this ceremony and making this commitment. I believe that God works in amazing ways and will help them to see past fears, insecurities and really unfortunate bible passages that some religions pluck out of a group, hold as unbending and then ignore or explain away all others that were part of the same group as if they didn't mean those quite as much. I believe that the greatest of all things is love and with it one can accomplish amazing things.

But -

We are only doing this once. You can only come to this once. I need that warm and loving light to shine on them in the next 6-8 months to ensure that my sweetie has her whole loving family around her on her special day. It may not be easy, but I have to believe it can happen.

Lots of hope. Lots of prayer. Lots of love.