We're alright. No lie.

Today we got a letter in the mail.  It came in a cute envelope and I saw it was from my family out of state.  The next thing I noticed was that the stamp they used is one of the post office's official wedding stamps.  The one on the envelope is called Wedding Roses.  I thought - how sweet that they would reply to our invitation, even though we knew that they wouldn't be able to make it due to other family obligations - and they even used a wedding stamp!  I was excited to open it.

I agree that it is great to have close female friends.  I have several of those that match that description exactly.  Those friendships have maintained through things like distance, motherhood, drug treatment, unemployment, prison, and other issues that would test many of the strongest friendships - but ours have survived.  I value those strong friendships very much.  That is not what I have with Kandice.

Kandice and I do have a great friendship.  I believe that friendship is one of the important building blocks of a healthy long term relationship. But that is one aspect of our relationship.  When she makes me dinner she is not my cook and when I trim the trees in the front yard I am not her landscaper.  She is my partner.

A bit of a technicality now.  You were not invited to a marriage or a 'wedding'.  The invitation was to our Holy Union ceremony.  At our church.  Performed by our pastors.  Pastors ordained by the United Church of Christ.  Pastors who are actually pretty excited about it.  And we are pretty excited too.

I'm sorry you can't rejoice at our happiness.  While it makes me sad for you, it doesn't change my happiness.  As for a "lie that same-sex marriage is alright" - I'm not sure what you mean.  I don't believe I was lied to.

Same-sex marriage is not legally recognized by our state.  No one lied to me to say that it was.  Our Holy Union ceremony is between us, with the help and blessings of God, our family and friends.  No lie.

But if you really feel that a commitment to God isn't a enough for you - though it is for us - we can shows you our piece of paper with our signatures on it that was authorized by the state just like a wedding license.  It's our domestic partnership papers.  No lie. 

No one lied to say that same-sex marriage is alright.  When done properly - it's awesome.

And one day same-sex marriage won't be alright - it will be A right.

No lie.

The adventure begins!

It all began with a Facebook comment by my pastor. Though officially, I suppose it started 9 years earlier on our first date - though we certainly didn't know it at the time...

After more than 9 years together, my partner and I had certainly talked about having some sort of commitment ceremony. We both had a general vision of what it would be like and we only would want to do it once in our lives. But, though our relationship gets better year after year, we hadn't quite been able to put together the savings to make it happen.

Where we live in Arizona there is no marriage and there is no civil union but about a year ago they did create a "Domestic Partner" registry. That registry grants one and only one right - hospital visitation. Nothing else. They might as well call it "Hospital registration commitment". So you can imagine that we weren't exactly rushing to the courthouse in white dresses and flowers in hand to sign off on that piece of paper.

Then earlier this year we found out that she was going to have to have a small surgery. There is always that fear that "something" will happen and we might be denied the right to see each other by the hospital administration. So, we decided to make that run to the courthouse. On her lunch break. Wearing jeans and t-shirts we wrote our name on the bottom line and the man behind the counter stamped it and said "Congratulations - you can be hospitalized!". We celebrated the remaining 15 minutes of lunch break by grabbing lunch at McDonald's. Looking at the time we said "I do" need to get back to work, did a quick kiss in the parking lot and went our separate ways. With our work schedules we likely wouldn't see each other awake for the next 3 days. Heck of a honeymoon, right?

In a quick post on Facebook a few hours later I shared that I was now officially Domestic Partnered. There were of course some general congratulations, but there was one that clearly stood out to us both. The comment of my Pastor. We are part of a small historic church with a congregation that has gotten smaller and smaller over the years as it's parishioners have aged and moved - but those that remain are strong, loyal and have some of the best hearts I've ever seen. There are many Sunday's were I'm clearly the youngest one in the room - but I don't mind. I began going there a few years ago and it has become home.

My Pastor's comment was, "Wow! Yea! Congrats! Wanna be our first holy union?"

Yes. Yes we do.

We'd dreamt of getting married in the church. Walking down that historic but humble aisle. We weren't sure of the policy there and hadn't quite gotten far enough in our ceremony plans to even ask the question. But to officially be asked to be the first was an amazing honor. And just like that it became real. We can have an official holy ceremony in the church. I guess we better start planning.

And so we did. And so began our fabulous adventure.