I think I can say that it's official. The tiny little tasks that I've referred to as the Chinese water torture parts of wedding planning have officially become a tsunami of need and the crest is rising higher and higher and I'm surfing that puppy as fast as I can to make sure I'm not under it when it crashes. Yea, no pressure.
That said, this is exactly the time I wish I could be writing every day to talk about what's happening and what we're thinking and feeling so we could look back on it and remember all the little details. But who has the time? Kandi has been out shopping for one pair of shoes for the last 5 hours. I've been working to finalize some of the details for the wedding ceremony itself and I promised myself that I'd get a good start on the program details before I turned in for the night.
This weekend our friends Mo and Felicia have put together a night of festivities for us to go out and celebrate. We start with dueling pianos and we end with strippers. We're starting the morning at the church doing a run through with our pastor. What a great beginning and ending to the day. So, before all that happens I have to finalize the ceremony and I really, really, really want to have a good start for the program. And of course it would be nice if I could get out the evites for our pre- and post- wedding events too... Definitely pushing my task surfing skills - but it's possible.
So, I'm leaving you with a video. We received a gift in the mail the other day, and we are so thankful. For this particular gift though, Kandy was extra thankful, and I had to run to grab the video camera.
Showing posts with label Pastor Barb. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pastor Barb. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
A month at a glance - a long glance....
Really kicking myself now that I didn't write all the other times that I kept meaning to do so! So many little things have happened - nothing huge like a job or anything - but all those little things need to get mentioned so... buckle in because it's going to be a long ride! I'll try to put this in some sort of order as it happened - but can't make any promises.
1 - Found a new venue we love
Not saying that this is THE venue as everything will end up being based on the budget we have after I get a job - but it was a really cool space that could be really amazing. It is at *gasp!* a Golf Club. I know, I know... we didn't think that we would love it. They were doing a vendor meet and we figured we'd check it out and maybe find another vendor we liked. Some of the vendors were cool - but it was all about the venue! So the place is Foothills Golf Club. Our church is on one side of South Mountain and this location is pretty much exactly on the other side of the mountain. It's about a 35 minute drive or so, so not too bad. The pictures on the site are good, but it is SO much better in person. There are views of the beautiful mountains from both sides of the reception space - with huge areas for cocktails and general gathering on both of those sides. It would be SO amazing to have something here where you could be there to watch the sun go down as it's one of the best views I've ever seen - save directly on top of South Mountain. The reception space is spacious and gives us everything we'd ever really wanted.
But then, as we were getting our tour around, after feeling like we'd already seen it all, she said, "Have you seen our theater?". Theater? Why no, we haven't. So we go. As I walk in the door I see it. A stage. Small, but very real with velvet curtains on the sides and old school theater seating in front for about 100-150 people. Before I can even get out my "Can I go stand on the stage?" comment I'm walking up the stairs on the side of the stage. I don't care how small it is - there is nothing at all like being on a stage to me. If she had handed me a pen at that moment I might have signed a contract before my head cleared. I was in love. Kandi was amused. She only recently learned of my affinity for stages, but had never really seen me "go there".
Now, the reason this was extra interesting is that we still weren't sure if we would be able to have our ceremony at the church so seeing this awesome non-traditional ceremony spot was a huge bonus to a location we had already both admitted was firmly in our top 3. Even if we didn't do our ceremony there, there was a giant movie screen there that would allow us to show all sorts of cool things - from a "home movie" sort of thing to just fun power point picture presentations. And no extra charge to use it. It's just part of the space. BONUS! :)
2 - Do we have a church?
Several weeks later, we had our Church's Annual Meeting. There were only about 10 of us present, not uncommon for such a small church, and we were doing it after our fellowship time after service. While several of us were sitting at the same table, something came up where I happened to mention my conversation with Pastor Barb from several weeks before where there was some doubt as to if they might be staying through the end of the year. They hadn't heard that really implied and talked a bit about that. I mentioned that my main reason for concern was because when they left the next minister would be United Methodist and they were unable to do such ceremonies.
And this, this is why I love my church. The reaction at that exact moment. Sitting there with 4 women aged from their late 50's to their late 80's was unanimous.
Simply put they said, "He-e-e-e-e-e-e-ell no!"
All of them were immediately talking and while I couldn't repeat them all now, as much as I would have wanted to, they were all very very clear on the fact that there was nothing that could stop me from having that ceremony in that church. Jeanie, the strongest spunkiest 80-something I've ever known, put it to me quite plainly after the immediate ruckus of voices had died down. Unlike some churches, she said, where the pastor or minister rules the church and all it does - in this church the rules are made by the members. The laypeople are 100% in charge. The pastoral staff may get a voice, but they do not get a vote. While she can't guarantee me that I can get Pastor Barb if she's in another state, she can guarantee me that I will have my ceremony in my church.
It makes me so proud to be a member there. And so happy to have these spunky folks in my life.
3 - Vendor frustration
I had been contacted by a DJ Company that they were doing some huge mock reception with tons of vendors. So, I RSVP'd and that night Kandi came home from work, we threw down some quick dinner and drove the 45 minutes to the venue. About 10 minutes after we handed the valet our keys, we were asking for them back again. The whole thing was a bust. The DJ's weren't there. There was some fruit, cheese and crackers but no one from a catering group. There were tables set up by the hotel. There was a linens vendor who had put different linens on each table and a floral vendor who had put an arrangement on each table. And some vendor who wanted you to pay for them to print you something about what your last name means with a family crest.
Seriously? We drove 45 minutes for that??? It was such a waste. Waste of money and of time. First time we'd had such an experience - but I'm absolutely going to be more careful about which ones we go to in the future.
4 - The Dress
I went to try on wedding dresses for the first time. I went to Strut Bridal where they specialize in sizes 12+. It was great to go without worrying that I wouldn't fit into any of the dresses. I admitted that I had no idea what I wanted and couldn't picture what kind of a dress I wanted to wear so I tried on one of each body type to try to narrow it down a bit. After trying them on I don't think I'm going to be quite that easy unfortunately. My favorites were at two different ends of the dress spectrum - a ballroom style (though NOT a poofy dress) and a trumpet (body hugging until just under the hips). Both were strapless and I'd felt that the one thing I was sure of is that I didn't want a strapless dress. Guess what - I liked them both. One was about $550 and the other about $775 so they would be considered reasonably priced too. It's still hard for me to picture spending over $100 on an outfit (including shoes) but I'm really trying to accept that this is just one of those times. Then again, if I don't get a job soon it may be jeans, white t-shirt and a veil. Though I do kinda like that idea.....
5 - Reality check by Mr. Scale
A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be healthy. Kandi could eat what she wanted, but I was going to do better. And I did. Over 8 months or so I lost about 45lbs. Then, I lost my job. Then 3 jobs later I'm in a high stress job working 16 hours a day and traveling all over the place. Who has time to cut up vegetables for dinner? So, I gained back about 15 of it that year. Then I got laid off at one of the worst points ever in the economy. There were no jobs out there, but I was looking. And eating cheap food. Cheap was more important than healthy. So I gained a few pounds. And then the next job had me working nights and my schedule went even more off. So here I am, having gained back 25 of the 45 I'd lost and I'm again out of a job - but now I'm engaged. I've been saying "healthy" out loud, but being more focused on "cheap" and "makes us feel good" food.
Cut to a few weeks ago. Kandi and I have been "talking" about being healthy. "Talking" about losing weight before the ceremony. But that's all it had been as one healthy meal would be followed by 2 less healthy ones. Until one day something popped in my head and I did some math. Between then and October 1st, if we each lost just 1.5lbs a week - we would both be at our goal weights. Well, not the "dream" goals, but the first serious "goal" numbers we'd had when we talked long ago (and would have had much more time to lose if we'd been serious about it then) about where we would like to be to feel healthy. 1.5? That's actually a healthy amount to lose. it's actually do-able. I mentioned it to Kandi and she signed on - so I made a spreadsheet. Of course. If you know me you know I spreadsheet just about anything.
So we're just 2 weeks in, but so far I'm on goal. Kandi is only about .5 behind, but I think she can make it up this week. We're eating healthy. We're using the treadmill. For the Superbowl we snacked on fresh vegetables and hummus. Really. I don't know if we'll actually hit our goals - but I'm really happy that we're both working on them together.
Moving into the next few weeks - I've been offered a part time job that will pay as much as being on unemployment - and less after taxes. But, I'm hoping I might be able to do that even after I get a full time gig to help out since I'm sure any full time gig will pay far less then I've been getting. And I'm willing to do my part. So, I'm quite tempted to take it. I need to pretty much make my final decision tomorrow. Tomorrow I am also going to the community college to see how many credits I have from when I went a million years ago as I'd like to go back to school. Oh - and also tomorrow we'll be going to another wedding vendor meet up.
Tomorrow is going to be busy! Head up and walk fast. Every step is one step closer to the life we want to lead together. Even if it does get a bit topsy-turvey around here - I am happy and so lucky to be here!
Until next time!
1 - Found a new venue we love
Not saying that this is THE venue as everything will end up being based on the budget we have after I get a job - but it was a really cool space that could be really amazing. It is at *gasp!* a Golf Club. I know, I know... we didn't think that we would love it. They were doing a vendor meet and we figured we'd check it out and maybe find another vendor we liked. Some of the vendors were cool - but it was all about the venue! So the place is Foothills Golf Club. Our church is on one side of South Mountain and this location is pretty much exactly on the other side of the mountain. It's about a 35 minute drive or so, so not too bad. The pictures on the site are good, but it is SO much better in person. There are views of the beautiful mountains from both sides of the reception space - with huge areas for cocktails and general gathering on both of those sides. It would be SO amazing to have something here where you could be there to watch the sun go down as it's one of the best views I've ever seen - save directly on top of South Mountain. The reception space is spacious and gives us everything we'd ever really wanted.
But then, as we were getting our tour around, after feeling like we'd already seen it all, she said, "Have you seen our theater?". Theater? Why no, we haven't. So we go. As I walk in the door I see it. A stage. Small, but very real with velvet curtains on the sides and old school theater seating in front for about 100-150 people. Before I can even get out my "Can I go stand on the stage?" comment I'm walking up the stairs on the side of the stage. I don't care how small it is - there is nothing at all like being on a stage to me. If she had handed me a pen at that moment I might have signed a contract before my head cleared. I was in love. Kandi was amused. She only recently learned of my affinity for stages, but had never really seen me "go there".
Now, the reason this was extra interesting is that we still weren't sure if we would be able to have our ceremony at the church so seeing this awesome non-traditional ceremony spot was a huge bonus to a location we had already both admitted was firmly in our top 3. Even if we didn't do our ceremony there, there was a giant movie screen there that would allow us to show all sorts of cool things - from a "home movie" sort of thing to just fun power point picture presentations. And no extra charge to use it. It's just part of the space. BONUS! :)
2 - Do we have a church?
Several weeks later, we had our Church's Annual Meeting. There were only about 10 of us present, not uncommon for such a small church, and we were doing it after our fellowship time after service. While several of us were sitting at the same table, something came up where I happened to mention my conversation with Pastor Barb from several weeks before where there was some doubt as to if they might be staying through the end of the year. They hadn't heard that really implied and talked a bit about that. I mentioned that my main reason for concern was because when they left the next minister would be United Methodist and they were unable to do such ceremonies.
And this, this is why I love my church. The reaction at that exact moment. Sitting there with 4 women aged from their late 50's to their late 80's was unanimous.
Simply put they said, "He-e-e-e-e-e-e-ell no!"
All of them were immediately talking and while I couldn't repeat them all now, as much as I would have wanted to, they were all very very clear on the fact that there was nothing that could stop me from having that ceremony in that church. Jeanie, the strongest spunkiest 80-something I've ever known, put it to me quite plainly after the immediate ruckus of voices had died down. Unlike some churches, she said, where the pastor or minister rules the church and all it does - in this church the rules are made by the members. The laypeople are 100% in charge. The pastoral staff may get a voice, but they do not get a vote. While she can't guarantee me that I can get Pastor Barb if she's in another state, she can guarantee me that I will have my ceremony in my church.
It makes me so proud to be a member there. And so happy to have these spunky folks in my life.
3 - Vendor frustration
I had been contacted by a DJ Company that they were doing some huge mock reception with tons of vendors. So, I RSVP'd and that night Kandi came home from work, we threw down some quick dinner and drove the 45 minutes to the venue. About 10 minutes after we handed the valet our keys, we were asking for them back again. The whole thing was a bust. The DJ's weren't there. There was some fruit, cheese and crackers but no one from a catering group. There were tables set up by the hotel. There was a linens vendor who had put different linens on each table and a floral vendor who had put an arrangement on each table. And some vendor who wanted you to pay for them to print you something about what your last name means with a family crest.
Seriously? We drove 45 minutes for that??? It was such a waste. Waste of money and of time. First time we'd had such an experience - but I'm absolutely going to be more careful about which ones we go to in the future.
4 - The Dress
I went to try on wedding dresses for the first time. I went to Strut Bridal where they specialize in sizes 12+. It was great to go without worrying that I wouldn't fit into any of the dresses. I admitted that I had no idea what I wanted and couldn't picture what kind of a dress I wanted to wear so I tried on one of each body type to try to narrow it down a bit. After trying them on I don't think I'm going to be quite that easy unfortunately. My favorites were at two different ends of the dress spectrum - a ballroom style (though NOT a poofy dress) and a trumpet (body hugging until just under the hips). Both were strapless and I'd felt that the one thing I was sure of is that I didn't want a strapless dress. Guess what - I liked them both. One was about $550 and the other about $775 so they would be considered reasonably priced too. It's still hard for me to picture spending over $100 on an outfit (including shoes) but I'm really trying to accept that this is just one of those times. Then again, if I don't get a job soon it may be jeans, white t-shirt and a veil. Though I do kinda like that idea.....
5 - Reality check by Mr. Scale
A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be healthy. Kandi could eat what she wanted, but I was going to do better. And I did. Over 8 months or so I lost about 45lbs. Then, I lost my job. Then 3 jobs later I'm in a high stress job working 16 hours a day and traveling all over the place. Who has time to cut up vegetables for dinner? So, I gained back about 15 of it that year. Then I got laid off at one of the worst points ever in the economy. There were no jobs out there, but I was looking. And eating cheap food. Cheap was more important than healthy. So I gained a few pounds. And then the next job had me working nights and my schedule went even more off. So here I am, having gained back 25 of the 45 I'd lost and I'm again out of a job - but now I'm engaged. I've been saying "healthy" out loud, but being more focused on "cheap" and "makes us feel good" food.
Cut to a few weeks ago. Kandi and I have been "talking" about being healthy. "Talking" about losing weight before the ceremony. But that's all it had been as one healthy meal would be followed by 2 less healthy ones. Until one day something popped in my head and I did some math. Between then and October 1st, if we each lost just 1.5lbs a week - we would both be at our goal weights. Well, not the "dream" goals, but the first serious "goal" numbers we'd had when we talked long ago (and would have had much more time to lose if we'd been serious about it then) about where we would like to be to feel healthy. 1.5? That's actually a healthy amount to lose. it's actually do-able. I mentioned it to Kandi and she signed on - so I made a spreadsheet. Of course. If you know me you know I spreadsheet just about anything.
So we're just 2 weeks in, but so far I'm on goal. Kandi is only about .5 behind, but I think she can make it up this week. We're eating healthy. We're using the treadmill. For the Superbowl we snacked on fresh vegetables and hummus. Really. I don't know if we'll actually hit our goals - but I'm really happy that we're both working on them together.
Moving into the next few weeks - I've been offered a part time job that will pay as much as being on unemployment - and less after taxes. But, I'm hoping I might be able to do that even after I get a full time gig to help out since I'm sure any full time gig will pay far less then I've been getting. And I'm willing to do my part. So, I'm quite tempted to take it. I need to pretty much make my final decision tomorrow. Tomorrow I am also going to the community college to see how many credits I have from when I went a million years ago as I'd like to go back to school. Oh - and also tomorrow we'll be going to another wedding vendor meet up.
Tomorrow is going to be busy! Head up and walk fast. Every step is one step closer to the life we want to lead together. Even if it does get a bit topsy-turvey around here - I am happy and so lucky to be here!
Until next time!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Here and there and back again
This weekend we'd planned to be in Las Vegas helping our friend celebrate her 40th birthday. A few weeks ago, those plans changed. First, we realized that it was the weekend of the biggest Bridal show in the city and we know how amazing it can be to find a new potential vendor. Then, we found out that Pastor Barb would be leaving the church to take a 6 month assignment at another church. This is great for them as our church has been struggling financially so as a husband/wife team they have been making less than what one normal salary would be. Getting 6 months of regular salary is great for her, and there is some savings for our church as well. While she is leaving, her husband Pastor Rich will stepping up to be lead pastor. We were told that this weekend would be her last leading the congregation. So, we decided that Kandi would go to Las Vegas - her favorite place - and I would stay here to attend the Bridal show and see off Pastor Barb.
When we first heard about Pastor Barb leaving, while we were certainly disappointment our only real concern was that she would still be able to perform the ceremony while Rich was the lead pastor just in case that 6 month appointment was extended. We found out that as long as Rich was there, she could easily do it, so we were ok. Then, today things took on a whole new turn.
I happened to walk out of the sanctuary with her at the end of the service and joked with her that she would be terribly missed but was allowed to be gone as long as she needed and go as far as she wanted as long as she came back to do our union ceremony. While she initially laughed back, in her reply things actually took a serious turn. She started talking about what might happen if there was another pastor in place and how there are some ethics issues to be considered. In my head I was shocked - after all, wouldn't her husband still be pastor here? Surely he wouldn't be concerned, right? I posed a question and found that she was actually talking about what it might be like if they were BOTH gone. I have to say that was something we'd never considered. We have a date less than a year away that we'd shared with them and this was the first time there was a hint that they neither of them would be there. The more we talked we realized there was another much larger issue.
Our church was created when two churches of different denominations merged. These denominations are United Church of Christ and United Methodist. Pastor's Barb and Rich are UCC but if they were both to leave then per the charter a United Methodist pastor would be selected. There is a huge debate in the UM denomination going for the last few years about the ability of the church to be open to gay individuals in ministry, marriage or any other commitment ceremony. Officially as of right now gay individuals can not be ministers and should a pastor perform a ceremony (be it union or a legal marriage in a state where it is allowed) for a gay couple they can get in some serious hot water.
In one 10 minute conversation I went from happy to.....I don't even have a good word. The one thing we knew was that we wanted the ceremony in the church and with Pastor Barb. Now - it appears that if we want to ensure that happens - we need to plan it before June. But even if I got a job in the next month - that's highly unlikely since in Arizona no one wants to do a June wedding. Heck, May is even pretty warm. We'd be talking about an April wedding. 3 months away? Yea, I don't see that happening. And if not that - then what?
It was here. Then it was gone. And I may not know until May or June if I can get it back.
Oh yea - I went to the Bridal show yesterday. I scheduled an appointment to actually go in and try on wedding dresses this week. I was excited.
I was. Now....
Now I'm a bit less so.
When we first heard about Pastor Barb leaving, while we were certainly disappointment our only real concern was that she would still be able to perform the ceremony while Rich was the lead pastor just in case that 6 month appointment was extended. We found out that as long as Rich was there, she could easily do it, so we were ok. Then, today things took on a whole new turn.
I happened to walk out of the sanctuary with her at the end of the service and joked with her that she would be terribly missed but was allowed to be gone as long as she needed and go as far as she wanted as long as she came back to do our union ceremony. While she initially laughed back, in her reply things actually took a serious turn. She started talking about what might happen if there was another pastor in place and how there are some ethics issues to be considered. In my head I was shocked - after all, wouldn't her husband still be pastor here? Surely he wouldn't be concerned, right? I posed a question and found that she was actually talking about what it might be like if they were BOTH gone. I have to say that was something we'd never considered. We have a date less than a year away that we'd shared with them and this was the first time there was a hint that they neither of them would be there. The more we talked we realized there was another much larger issue.
Our church was created when two churches of different denominations merged. These denominations are United Church of Christ and United Methodist. Pastor's Barb and Rich are UCC but if they were both to leave then per the charter a United Methodist pastor would be selected. There is a huge debate in the UM denomination going for the last few years about the ability of the church to be open to gay individuals in ministry, marriage or any other commitment ceremony. Officially as of right now gay individuals can not be ministers and should a pastor perform a ceremony (be it union or a legal marriage in a state where it is allowed) for a gay couple they can get in some serious hot water.
In one 10 minute conversation I went from happy to.....I don't even have a good word. The one thing we knew was that we wanted the ceremony in the church and with Pastor Barb. Now - it appears that if we want to ensure that happens - we need to plan it before June. But even if I got a job in the next month - that's highly unlikely since in Arizona no one wants to do a June wedding. Heck, May is even pretty warm. We'd be talking about an April wedding. 3 months away? Yea, I don't see that happening. And if not that - then what?
It was here. Then it was gone. And I may not know until May or June if I can get it back.
Oh yea - I went to the Bridal show yesterday. I scheduled an appointment to actually go in and try on wedding dresses this week. I was excited.
I was. Now....
Now I'm a bit less so.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Good-bye 2010 and Hello 2011!
It's the most wonderful time of the year!
While our family grew up celebrating Christmas in very different ways, over the years we've created a few new traditions in how we celebrate the day. Our immediate family and an occasional friend come over on Christmas morning for breakfast, stockings and presents. We have kept my family tradition of opening gifts one at a time, youngest to oldest. While this slow pace has driven Kandi crazy over the years she has been great about accepting how important that is for us. We're still working out how to ensure everyone's traditions are incorporated - or if there are new traditions we want to start - but we have a lifetime for that!
Sadly, we found out on Sunday that our wonderful Pastor Barb will be leaving the church for a 6 month position with another church. Frankly, our church is struggling financially and she and her husband Pastor Rich were already sharing what would be less than half of one salary in most churches. This is a great opportunity for her financially, but puts a few questions into the air for us in terms of our ceremony as she may be asked to stay after the 6 month position expires which would mean that she was technically the pastor of another church during our planned ceremony time. Pastor Rich will move from a co-pastor/support role at our church to being the sole pastor, and while he is great we have a special bond with Pastor Barb and really want her to lead our ceremony. We'll have to make sure this can all work as planned when we see them next weekend.
Getting married in our church is so important for Kandi and I. Before Pastor Barb we didn't even know it was an option to have a Holy Union Ceremony at the church so it would be strange to even think about doing it without her. Just when we thought the pastor and the location was the one thing that was finalized and could never change...
We don't get the opportunity to really make any decisions about our big day until I'm employed so I'm not only feeling the pressure, but I'm also SO frustrated to not be able to make some decisions so we can start moving forward in planning. We've been engaged for 2 months and we're "saying" that the ceremony is 10 months away so of course folks keep asking about it, and I love their hopeful curiosity. It just makes it a bit tough harder on me because every conversation is a reminder that I don't have a job yet. When someone asks, "So, have you set a date yet?" with nothing but love and interest in their voice it's tough to answer, "We can't make any decisions until I have a job." Talk about Debbie Downer. We try to talk around it a bit. Mention that we've looked at quite a few places but just haven't made a decision. But when they start asking quite a few questions or talking about how we better nail down something soon I have had to explain that we would love to - but just can't until we know more about my future employment. Unfortunately, many folks that we have ultimately had to explain that we're at a pause point until I secure a job, will continue to ask again next time we see them. Yep, still can't make any decisions because I'm unemployed. Still can't get a job. Thanks for bringing it up. I know they certainly don't mean it that way and it's certainly not their fault. But it brings a bit of sadness to something that we want to just feel so happy and excited about.
January will be here soon. Three places have said that they should have some "movement" by the end of January so my fingers are firmly crossed.
Here's to the end of an amazing 2010 and to a wonderfully blessed new year to come!
While our family grew up celebrating Christmas in very different ways, over the years we've created a few new traditions in how we celebrate the day. Our immediate family and an occasional friend come over on Christmas morning for breakfast, stockings and presents. We have kept my family tradition of opening gifts one at a time, youngest to oldest. While this slow pace has driven Kandi crazy over the years she has been great about accepting how important that is for us. We're still working out how to ensure everyone's traditions are incorporated - or if there are new traditions we want to start - but we have a lifetime for that!
Sadly, we found out on Sunday that our wonderful Pastor Barb will be leaving the church for a 6 month position with another church. Frankly, our church is struggling financially and she and her husband Pastor Rich were already sharing what would be less than half of one salary in most churches. This is a great opportunity for her financially, but puts a few questions into the air for us in terms of our ceremony as she may be asked to stay after the 6 month position expires which would mean that she was technically the pastor of another church during our planned ceremony time. Pastor Rich will move from a co-pastor/support role at our church to being the sole pastor, and while he is great we have a special bond with Pastor Barb and really want her to lead our ceremony. We'll have to make sure this can all work as planned when we see them next weekend.
Getting married in our church is so important for Kandi and I. Before Pastor Barb we didn't even know it was an option to have a Holy Union Ceremony at the church so it would be strange to even think about doing it without her. Just when we thought the pastor and the location was the one thing that was finalized and could never change...
We don't get the opportunity to really make any decisions about our big day until I'm employed so I'm not only feeling the pressure, but I'm also SO frustrated to not be able to make some decisions so we can start moving forward in planning. We've been engaged for 2 months and we're "saying" that the ceremony is 10 months away so of course folks keep asking about it, and I love their hopeful curiosity. It just makes it a bit tough harder on me because every conversation is a reminder that I don't have a job yet. When someone asks, "So, have you set a date yet?" with nothing but love and interest in their voice it's tough to answer, "We can't make any decisions until I have a job." Talk about Debbie Downer. We try to talk around it a bit. Mention that we've looked at quite a few places but just haven't made a decision. But when they start asking quite a few questions or talking about how we better nail down something soon I have had to explain that we would love to - but just can't until we know more about my future employment. Unfortunately, many folks that we have ultimately had to explain that we're at a pause point until I secure a job, will continue to ask again next time we see them. Yep, still can't make any decisions because I'm unemployed. Still can't get a job. Thanks for bringing it up. I know they certainly don't mean it that way and it's certainly not their fault. But it brings a bit of sadness to something that we want to just feel so happy and excited about.
January will be here soon. Three places have said that they should have some "movement" by the end of January so my fingers are firmly crossed.
Here's to the end of an amazing 2010 and to a wonderfully blessed new year to come!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving blessings
Ahh.... Thanksgiving. A time to be thankful, be with friends and family, and generally stuff yourself. It's also the beginning of the "season of traditions". You know - "my family does it like this..." or "When I was a kid we did this and I want it to be like that for our kids". For new families it is one of the times of greatest stress because each person wants exactly what they want which leaves very little room for their equal partner to have things just the way they want.
Our First Thanksgiving together we didn't really spend together. While we were largely inseparable, we didn't actually live together. She went to her aunt's house and I went with my family. We spoke on the phone a few times during the day of but didn't see each other until that evening.
For our second Thanksgiving we were living together and Kandi came to my family's Thanksgiving celebration. Though the idea of having all the family together was certainly right up her alley, almost none of the food felt like "Thanksgiving" to her. So, she called her family back in Ohio and got them to explain over the phone to her everything that she would need to make a Thanksgiving meal. The next day, when we should have been out enjoying the crush of fellow shoppers, we made Kandi's Thanksgiving. Rather than make a big turkey she did Cornish hens, cornbread dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, and greens. All from scratch. All amazing. Something I was just reminded of this year - she had never made any of these items before, but it was important to her to have them - so she did them. I was impressed.
By Thanksgiving #3 we had a house that we'd rented together and we decided to have family and friends over to our house. I remember we used our dining room table, 2 card tables and 2 TV Trays pushed together. They had already learned that when Kandi cooked - it was an event not to be missed. Kandi fried the turkey in the backyard, we did a coke and brown sugar ham, her Grandmother's cornbread dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, greens with a smokey ham hock, potato salad and her Grandmother's famous pound cake for dessert. And was it ever a hit!!! The turkey was gone so fast I didn't even get a serving. One of my brothers made his second plate almost completely macaroni and cheese and even though he doesn't eat pork, he ate the heck out of those greens. By the end of that meal our new family tradition was set. Kandi makes her "standards" and friends and family bring over their pot-luck sides.
Most years we have had 12-18 people but somehow this year we have a tiny group. Just 9 folks are expected here. We haven't had "single digits" ever before. Ever. But while our numbers are fewer, our food is still big. :) Sure, she cut back on making quite so many pans of dressing and mac and cheese (though she still knew to make 2 pans with my brothers coming...) we still have a ton of options. Everyone can be stuffed and we'll still have a gob of leftovers. Our guest list may be small but our food and thanks are plenty. We've had many blessings this year.
While I may be unemployed now - we are ever so thankful for the temporary job I had last year. Not only did that keep us going as a household it also helped bring a full time job to Aunt Patti and a part time job to Kandi. Little did I know that many of the dollars earned at that part time job were going to the beautiful diamond ring on my hand right now. While we have family that is still struggling to embrace that "the greatest of these is love", we are so thankful for the friends and family and neighbors and practical strangers who have shared love and tears of joy when hearing of our engagement. Those special moments and conversations have filled our hearts in ways you might never have realized.
We are thankful to have almost accidentally found an amazing church filled with history, stained glass, traditions and so much love it's just about bursting from the seams. We've been going about 4 years now and since most of the congregation are senior citizens we've seen our numbers drop more and more each year. That said, they give us hope every Sunday. When celebrating a congregant's 90th birthday last month and seeing pictures of he and his wife when they were barely in their 20's - we saw what we hope to be. Each person is so special to us, and knowing that even in this traditional congregation our love is so embraced and celebrated by folks who came from a generation or two ahead of us is something we never could have imagined - and yet now can't imagine being without.
We are thankful for Pastor Barb who asked us to be the first Holy Union for the church. It touched us more than you will know. Your sermons both inspire us and make us think. We couldn't have any one else lead us on our special day.
And of course - we are thankful for each other. No one else deserves us and no one else would put up with us. I say it regularly and it's always true - I love you more every day. Every. Single. Day. More.
Happy Thanksgiving to my baby and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Our First Thanksgiving together we didn't really spend together. While we were largely inseparable, we didn't actually live together. She went to her aunt's house and I went with my family. We spoke on the phone a few times during the day of but didn't see each other until that evening.
For our second Thanksgiving we were living together and Kandi came to my family's Thanksgiving celebration. Though the idea of having all the family together was certainly right up her alley, almost none of the food felt like "Thanksgiving" to her. So, she called her family back in Ohio and got them to explain over the phone to her everything that she would need to make a Thanksgiving meal. The next day, when we should have been out enjoying the crush of fellow shoppers, we made Kandi's Thanksgiving. Rather than make a big turkey she did Cornish hens, cornbread dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, and greens. All from scratch. All amazing. Something I was just reminded of this year - she had never made any of these items before, but it was important to her to have them - so she did them. I was impressed.
By Thanksgiving #3 we had a house that we'd rented together and we decided to have family and friends over to our house. I remember we used our dining room table, 2 card tables and 2 TV Trays pushed together. They had already learned that when Kandi cooked - it was an event not to be missed. Kandi fried the turkey in the backyard, we did a coke and brown sugar ham, her Grandmother's cornbread dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, greens with a smokey ham hock, potato salad and her Grandmother's famous pound cake for dessert. And was it ever a hit!!! The turkey was gone so fast I didn't even get a serving. One of my brothers made his second plate almost completely macaroni and cheese and even though he doesn't eat pork, he ate the heck out of those greens. By the end of that meal our new family tradition was set. Kandi makes her "standards" and friends and family bring over their pot-luck sides.
Most years we have had 12-18 people but somehow this year we have a tiny group. Just 9 folks are expected here. We haven't had "single digits" ever before. Ever. But while our numbers are fewer, our food is still big. :) Sure, she cut back on making quite so many pans of dressing and mac and cheese (though she still knew to make 2 pans with my brothers coming...) we still have a ton of options. Everyone can be stuffed and we'll still have a gob of leftovers. Our guest list may be small but our food and thanks are plenty. We've had many blessings this year.
While I may be unemployed now - we are ever so thankful for the temporary job I had last year. Not only did that keep us going as a household it also helped bring a full time job to Aunt Patti and a part time job to Kandi. Little did I know that many of the dollars earned at that part time job were going to the beautiful diamond ring on my hand right now. While we have family that is still struggling to embrace that "the greatest of these is love", we are so thankful for the friends and family and neighbors and practical strangers who have shared love and tears of joy when hearing of our engagement. Those special moments and conversations have filled our hearts in ways you might never have realized.
We are thankful to have almost accidentally found an amazing church filled with history, stained glass, traditions and so much love it's just about bursting from the seams. We've been going about 4 years now and since most of the congregation are senior citizens we've seen our numbers drop more and more each year. That said, they give us hope every Sunday. When celebrating a congregant's 90th birthday last month and seeing pictures of he and his wife when they were barely in their 20's - we saw what we hope to be. Each person is so special to us, and knowing that even in this traditional congregation our love is so embraced and celebrated by folks who came from a generation or two ahead of us is something we never could have imagined - and yet now can't imagine being without.
We are thankful for Pastor Barb who asked us to be the first Holy Union for the church. It touched us more than you will know. Your sermons both inspire us and make us think. We couldn't have any one else lead us on our special day.
And of course - we are thankful for each other. No one else deserves us and no one else would put up with us. I say it regularly and it's always true - I love you more every day. Every. Single. Day. More.
Happy Thanksgiving to my baby and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Friday, October 22, 2010
The adventure begins!
It all began with a Facebook comment by my pastor. Though officially, I suppose it started 9 years earlier on our first date - though we certainly didn't know it at the time...
After more than 9 years together, my partner and I had certainly talked about having some sort of commitment ceremony. We both had a general vision of what it would be like and we only would want to do it once in our lives. But, though our relationship gets better year after year, we hadn't quite been able to put together the savings to make it happen.
Where we live in Arizona there is no marriage and there is no civil union but about a year ago they did create a "Domestic Partner" registry. That registry grants one and only one right - hospital visitation. Nothing else. They might as well call it "Hospital registration commitment". So you can imagine that we weren't exactly rushing to the courthouse in white dresses and flowers in hand to sign off on that piece of paper.
Then earlier this year we found out that she was going to have to have a small surgery. There is always that fear that "something" will happen and we might be denied the right to see each other by the hospital administration. So, we decided to make that run to the courthouse. On her lunch break. Wearing jeans and t-shirts we wrote our name on the bottom line and the man behind the counter stamped it and said "Congratulations - you can be hospitalized!". We celebrated the remaining 15 minutes of lunch break by grabbing lunch at McDonald's. Looking at the time we said "I do" need to get back to work, did a quick kiss in the parking lot and went our separate ways. With our work schedules we likely wouldn't see each other awake for the next 3 days. Heck of a honeymoon, right?
In a quick post on Facebook a few hours later I shared that I was now officially Domestic Partnered. There were of course some general congratulations, but there was one that clearly stood out to us both. The comment of my Pastor. We are part of a small historic church with a congregation that has gotten smaller and smaller over the years as it's parishioners have aged and moved - but those that remain are strong, loyal and have some of the best hearts I've ever seen. There are many Sunday's were I'm clearly the youngest one in the room - but I don't mind. I began going there a few years ago and it has become home.
My Pastor's comment was, "Wow! Yea! Congrats! Wanna be our first holy union?"
Yes. Yes we do.
We'd dreamt of getting married in the church. Walking down that historic but humble aisle. We weren't sure of the policy there and hadn't quite gotten far enough in our ceremony plans to even ask the question. But to officially be asked to be the first was an amazing honor. And just like that it became real. We can have an official holy ceremony in the church. I guess we better start planning.
And so we did. And so began our fabulous adventure.
After more than 9 years together, my partner and I had certainly talked about having some sort of commitment ceremony. We both had a general vision of what it would be like and we only would want to do it once in our lives. But, though our relationship gets better year after year, we hadn't quite been able to put together the savings to make it happen.
Where we live in Arizona there is no marriage and there is no civil union but about a year ago they did create a "Domestic Partner" registry. That registry grants one and only one right - hospital visitation. Nothing else. They might as well call it "Hospital registration commitment". So you can imagine that we weren't exactly rushing to the courthouse in white dresses and flowers in hand to sign off on that piece of paper.
Then earlier this year we found out that she was going to have to have a small surgery. There is always that fear that "something" will happen and we might be denied the right to see each other by the hospital administration. So, we decided to make that run to the courthouse. On her lunch break. Wearing jeans and t-shirts we wrote our name on the bottom line and the man behind the counter stamped it and said "Congratulations - you can be hospitalized!". We celebrated the remaining 15 minutes of lunch break by grabbing lunch at McDonald's. Looking at the time we said "I do" need to get back to work, did a quick kiss in the parking lot and went our separate ways. With our work schedules we likely wouldn't see each other awake for the next 3 days. Heck of a honeymoon, right?
In a quick post on Facebook a few hours later I shared that I was now officially Domestic Partnered. There were of course some general congratulations, but there was one that clearly stood out to us both. The comment of my Pastor. We are part of a small historic church with a congregation that has gotten smaller and smaller over the years as it's parishioners have aged and moved - but those that remain are strong, loyal and have some of the best hearts I've ever seen. There are many Sunday's were I'm clearly the youngest one in the room - but I don't mind. I began going there a few years ago and it has become home.
My Pastor's comment was, "Wow! Yea! Congrats! Wanna be our first holy union?"
Yes. Yes we do.
We'd dreamt of getting married in the church. Walking down that historic but humble aisle. We weren't sure of the policy there and hadn't quite gotten far enough in our ceremony plans to even ask the question. But to officially be asked to be the first was an amazing honor. And just like that it became real. We can have an official holy ceremony in the church. I guess we better start planning.
And so we did. And so began our fabulous adventure.
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