It's not over, but just begun!

How could we ever count all the blessings?

It was an amazing day.  It was overwhelming.  It was a blur.

We knew it would be so there were certain moments where we just squeezed each others hands and reminded ourselves that this was one of those moments we would want to remember forever.  And so far, we still do.

It's kind of crazy to think about all the work that was done, all the people that were involved and to see it all pass by.  There were things that went exactly as planned.  There were things that weren't quite as planned, but all worked out just fine.  And there were a few things that were lovely to the average observer, and yet were shockingly not what we had planned.  But in the end those things were completely unimportant.  In the last few days when we've talked all about the ceremony and the reception - no one talks about those things. They are just in the background.

There are so many memories.  And yet - we know how many things we missed.  So for the last few days we've been asking everyone for two things - their photos and their memories.  For the photos we have created an "album" on a site called zangzing.com which is specifically made for groups where a large number of people are all taking pictures at the same event.  Everyone can drop off their pictures, and if you see one you like that someone else took you can download it and have it as your own.  No need to pay for a thing or get a print.  Just download and it's yours.  Have some pictures and want to be a part of the party?

To view or post to the album, go to http://www.zangzing.com/ourfabadv/union

To email over your pictures, send them to union@ourfabadv.zangzing.com

And as for the stories - why don't you post some of them here?  We would love to see your comments with memories, stories and some of the fun details that we didn't get to see!

Over the next few days we'll post some of the things that YOU didn't get to be around for - background info, behind the scenes pics as well as the much requested meditation that Pastor Barb did during the ceremony.  But first - let's see those pictures and hear those stories!  We're all eyes and ears!

K&K

Where did the time go?

I got back from traveling for work for a few weeks.  While I was tired, I was excited to get back to the routine of work, and follow up on all the things that had come up during my travel.  What did I come home to?  Well, I looked at our checklist on theknot.com and promptly freaked out.  Where did all the time go?  I thought everything was still several months away.  And now, we didn't. So - I made appointments.  My first full week back we had an appointment every single night.  We saw the list, and we began to check it off.  Cake tasting and design.  Check.  Final tasting with caterer. Check.  And check and check and check.  Ok, so they weren't all the same size check marks, but there has definitely been a large forward motion since I got back. 

This weekend we are meeting with our photographer at both venues to get her creative juices flowing, and we're going to set up a time to do a bit of a late engagement session.  At this point it's more of a pre-wedding session, but I think it's a great idea to be able to meet with her at least once before the big day to learn more about each other.  And as girls who in more than 10 years have never had professional pictures taken, we're all about making up for it now!

Some surprises from the journey.  Who knew it would be so hard to figure out how to do your hair?  So many considerations.  So many tiny differences making it a completely different style that you have to chose between.  So NOT my kind of an area.  My way of doing my hair every day is combing it, and then in an hour or so when it's dried - sticking in an barrette to keep it out of my face.  Almost worse than that is finding someone to professionally do my make up.  I mean, seriously?  My version of daily make up is tinted lip gloss. And yet - I get that it's important for the make up to be good, and to last all day. 

Another surprise - picking songs for the wedding ceremony.  We both love music, and we know how important a good song can be.  We want a great song.  I have no idea where to start.  Seriously.  There are SO many great songs.  How do you pick which one is going to forever be "the song you played at your wedding".  When my mom got married I was almost 5 years old.  I still remember hearing my aunt sing the song she sang, and I will always think of my mom's wedding and my aunt when I hear the song.  I need to pick just one song with that kind of meaning?  Too hard.  Kandi is on song detail.  Her favorite way to search for songs is on YouTube.  This has led to some awesome songs for the reception, but nothing yet for the wedding.  It's tough.

It's been an exciting journey, and we know it's not over.  51 days to go, lots of errands to run this weekend including helping my mom find a MOTB dress, the photographer, the florist, and of course the invitations will be going out by this weekend. 

Oh.....Did I just leak that information?  Gee, I guess I did.  :) 

A lovely "normal" Easter

Easter was lovely.  Nice break from thinking about wedding details.  Went to church.  Had friends and family over for a nice Easter dinner.  It was absolutely perfect in that absolutely normal kind of way. 

And that got me thinking...

One thing that I keep thinking about, but haven't chatted about is the absolutely normal way it's all gone.  That may sound strange but let me say it's really not what we expected when we started this process. 

We thought the church might say no. For year's we'd wondered, scared to find out what they would say.  Instead they came to us before we could even come to them.  There have been nothing but loving open arms. 

We thought looking for vendors would require lots of explanation. We expected to have our "Actually there isn't a groom - this is my partner Kandi" to be followed by the dreaded - "oh.....<silence and judgmental stare>".  You know what we got instead?  "Really?  That's awesome!"  or "That would be so cool - I haven't done a same-sex ceremony before and I really wanted to!".  I'd say that we've been shocked, but there was nothing shocking about it.  It all felt so...normal.

And let's remember - this is Arizona.  Just a few years ago my state, that I love so much, voted though a constitutional amendment restricting marriage to only Man+Woman.  It was the same election cycle that passed Prop 8 and elected Obama.  Talk about mixed emotions. We actually went to a protest the next day.  I think Kandi's sign said it all...

We are happy to fight for our rights, but we were not looking forward to the "fight" for our catering rights.  Or the "struggle" for photographic equality.  But we were ready.  And then...

It was easy.  It was normal.  Everyone loved us.  Everyone wanted to work with us. 

Now don't think I'm so in the wedding haze that the thought is ever lost on me that of COURSE they want to work with us.  Gay wedding $ spends just as good as straight wedding $ and when times are tight, as we all know they are - business is business.  And I know that the folks we're talking to live and die by their ability to make couples feel good.  Make them feel happy and cozy and loved so they'll fork over their hard earned (or Daddy's hard earned) cash.  But at the same time, our B.S. meters are pretty high.  We can normally detect a fake comment.  And we have.  But those were the "I say this to all the brides because it makes them happy" kind of comments.  Hard to fault someone from a few of those when they do this over, and over, and over again.  

But just as there is something wonderful about a holiday with family and friends that goes so smoothly you might call it the "same old boring thing" when you loved every minute of it, this process has been the same old boring wedding planning thing.  Go to bridal shows.  Taste cakes.  Try caterers. Try on dress.  Same old.  Same old.  No one blinks an eye - unless it's a positive comment.   How amazing they think it is that we've been together 10 years.  How they think it's so stupid it's not legal in the state.  How generally awesome they think we are. 

No struggle.  No push back.  Just love. 

Just a normal wedding.  For two fabulous "normal" girls. 

The shortest month flew by!

We won an engagement shoot! Well, actually we didn't. And yet we did.

We generally both fall into the "we never win anything" category so when they called my name at the bridal show while we were chatting with the photographer we were both shocked. I walked up and found out I'd won a $25 gift certificate for the bakery that was there. It was really yummy too! So we kept chatting with the photographer and generally getting to know her. Then someone who had won an engagement shoot walked over to talk to the photographer. Not only did she already have an engagement shoot planned for the next day, but she was getting all of her photography for free. The photographer turned around and gave it to us!

Our shoot was the Friday before Valentine's day and it included professional make up - which was fun for us to try. Yes - I said US! :) The photographer is hoping to have the proofs available for us to check out this week, but in the mean time we have this photo that our friend Brian snapped when we stopped by after dinner so he could get a picture of us in all of our cuteness.


And we are cute, aren't we?

I had gigantic fake eyelashes and a bit more blush than I would do again.

Kandi, while not a fan of the stuff all over her face, commented that she really liked her eye make up. Not that she's going to do it again when we go to the movies, but she might be open for trying something like that, though a bit more subtle, for the ceremony.


Ah, the ceremony. The realization that if I want a dress in October I'd have to order it in 2 weeks is very much not lost on me. Even if I got a job tomorrow, is that where we'd want to put our money right now? It's tough. We talked a bit about pushing out the date until next spring. neither of us want to do it, but if we want to have even 40% of the things we've talked about over the last 10 years we're likely going to need to push the date or win the lottery.

You can't win if you don't play, right?

I did take that part time job and I started on Monday. The week before that I had an interview for a position I'd be amazing at and would love to have - and I'm supposed to hear something by end of this week. No pressure, right? Ok, lots of pressure. But I know that I've done everything I can and now it's all in their hands so I can't obsess over it. It will or it wont happen.

Eating healthy hasn't been so good. I made my goals for about 3 weeks but certain "times" have made us really want convenience food and hours spent curled up on the couch. We haven't been at our dietary best to be sure. I'm hoping to bounce back shortly before I we go right back to where we were.

We also went to another big bridal show where we got to take lots of pictures together in photo booths. Our printer/scanner is being icky right now, but I'll post those and share our quickie reviews as soon as we can make it all work! We looked SO cute! But of course, right? :)

A month at a glance - a long glance....

Really kicking myself now that I didn't write all the other times that I kept meaning to do so! So many little things have happened - nothing huge like a job or anything - but all those little things need to get mentioned so... buckle in because it's going to be a long ride! I'll try to put this in some sort of order as it happened - but can't make any promises.

1 - Found a new venue we love
Not saying that this is THE venue as everything will end up being based on the budget we have after I get a job - but it was a really cool space that could be really amazing. It is at *gasp!* a Golf Club. I know, I know... we didn't think that we would love it. They were doing a vendor meet and we figured we'd check it out and maybe find another vendor we liked. Some of the vendors were cool - but it was all about the venue! So the place is Foothills Golf Club. Our church is on one side of South Mountain and this location is pretty much exactly on the other side of the mountain. It's about a 35 minute drive or so, so not too bad. The pictures on the site are good, but it is SO much better in person. There are views of the beautiful mountains from both sides of the reception space - with huge areas for cocktails and general gathering on both of those sides. It would be SO amazing to have something here where you could be there to watch the sun go down as it's one of the best views I've ever seen - save directly on top of South Mountain. The reception space is spacious and gives us everything we'd ever really wanted.

But then, as we were getting our tour around, after feeling like we'd already seen it all, she said, "Have you seen our theater?". Theater? Why no, we haven't. So we go. As I walk in the door I see it. A stage. Small, but very real with velvet curtains on the sides and old school theater seating in front for about 100-150 people. Before I can even get out my "Can I go stand on the stage?" comment I'm walking up the stairs on the side of the stage. I don't care how small it is - there is nothing at all like being on a stage to me. If she had handed me a pen at that moment I might have signed a contract before my head cleared. I was in love. Kandi was amused. She only recently learned of my affinity for stages, but had never really seen me "go there".

Now, the reason this was extra interesting is that we still weren't sure if we would be able to have our ceremony at the church so seeing this awesome non-traditional ceremony spot was a huge bonus to a location we had already both admitted was firmly in our top 3. Even if we didn't do our ceremony there, there was a giant movie screen there that would allow us to show all sorts of cool things - from a "home movie" sort of thing to just fun power point picture presentations. And no extra charge to use it. It's just part of the space. BONUS! :)

2 - Do we have a church?
Several weeks later, we had our Church's Annual Meeting. There were only about 10 of us present, not uncommon for such a small church, and we were doing it after our fellowship time after service. While several of us were sitting at the same table, something came up where I happened to mention my conversation with Pastor Barb from several weeks before where there was some doubt as to if they might be staying through the end of the year. They hadn't heard that really implied and talked a bit about that. I mentioned that my main reason for concern was because when they left the next minister would be United Methodist and they were unable to do such ceremonies.

And this, this is why I love my church. The reaction at that exact moment. Sitting there with 4 women aged from their late 50's to their late 80's was unanimous.

Simply put they said, "He-e-e-e-e-e-e-ell no!"

All of them were immediately talking and while I couldn't repeat them all now, as much as I would have wanted to, they were all very very clear on the fact that there was nothing that could stop me from having that ceremony in that church. Jeanie, the strongest spunkiest 80-something I've ever known, put it to me quite plainly after the immediate ruckus of voices had died down. Unlike some churches, she said, where the pastor or minister rules the church and all it does - in this church the rules are made by the members. The laypeople are 100% in charge. The pastoral staff may get a voice, but they do not get a vote. While she can't guarantee me that I can get Pastor Barb if she's in another state, she can guarantee me that I will have my ceremony in my church.

It makes me so proud to be a member there. And so happy to have these spunky folks in my life.

3 - Vendor frustration
I had been contacted by a DJ Company that they were doing some huge mock reception with tons of vendors. So, I RSVP'd and that night Kandi came home from work, we threw down some quick dinner and drove the 45 minutes to the venue. About 10 minutes after we handed the valet our keys, we were asking for them back again. The whole thing was a bust. The DJ's weren't there. There was some fruit, cheese and crackers but no one from a catering group. There were tables set up by the hotel. There was a linens vendor who had put different linens on each table and a floral vendor who had put an arrangement on each table. And some vendor who wanted you to pay for them to print you something about what your last name means with a family crest.

Seriously? We drove 45 minutes for that??? It was such a waste. Waste of money and of time. First time we'd had such an experience - but I'm absolutely going to be more careful about which ones we go to in the future.

4 - The Dress
I went to try on wedding dresses for the first time. I went to Strut Bridal where they specialize in sizes 12+. It was great to go without worrying that I wouldn't fit into any of the dresses. I admitted that I had no idea what I wanted and couldn't picture what kind of a dress I wanted to wear so I tried on one of each body type to try to narrow it down a bit. After trying them on I don't think I'm going to be quite that easy unfortunately. My favorites were at two different ends of the dress spectrum - a ballroom style (though NOT a poofy dress) and a trumpet (body hugging until just under the hips). Both were strapless and I'd felt that the one thing I was sure of is that I didn't want a strapless dress. Guess what - I liked them both. One was about $550 and the other about $775 so they would be considered reasonably priced too. It's still hard for me to picture spending over $100 on an outfit (including shoes) but I'm really trying to accept that this is just one of those times. Then again, if I don't get a job soon it may be jeans, white t-shirt and a veil. Though I do kinda like that idea.....

5 - Reality check by Mr. Scale
A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be healthy. Kandi could eat what she wanted, but I was going to do better. And I did. Over 8 months or so I lost about 45lbs. Then, I lost my job. Then 3 jobs later I'm in a high stress job working 16 hours a day and traveling all over the place. Who has time to cut up vegetables for dinner? So, I gained back about 15 of it that year. Then I got laid off at one of the worst points ever in the economy. There were no jobs out there, but I was looking. And eating cheap food. Cheap was more important than healthy. So I gained a few pounds. And then the next job had me working nights and my schedule went even more off. So here I am, having gained back 25 of the 45 I'd lost and I'm again out of a job - but now I'm engaged. I've been saying "healthy" out loud, but being more focused on "cheap" and "makes us feel good" food.

Cut to a few weeks ago. Kandi and I have been "talking" about being healthy. "Talking" about losing weight before the ceremony. But that's all it had been as one healthy meal would be followed by 2 less healthy ones. Until one day something popped in my head and I did some math. Between then and October 1st, if we each lost just 1.5lbs a week - we would both be at our goal weights. Well, not the "dream" goals, but the first serious "goal" numbers we'd had when we talked long ago (and would have had much more time to lose if we'd been serious about it then) about where we would like to be to feel healthy. 1.5? That's actually a healthy amount to lose. it's actually do-able. I mentioned it to Kandi and she signed on - so I made a spreadsheet. Of course. If you know me you know I spreadsheet just about anything.

So we're just 2 weeks in, but so far I'm on goal. Kandi is only about .5 behind, but I think she can make it up this week. We're eating healthy. We're using the treadmill. For the Superbowl we snacked on fresh vegetables and hummus. Really. I don't know if we'll actually hit our goals - but I'm really happy that we're both working on them together.

Moving into the next few weeks - I've been offered a part time job that will pay as much as being on unemployment - and less after taxes. But, I'm hoping I might be able to do that even after I get a full time gig to help out since I'm sure any full time gig will pay far less then I've been getting. And I'm willing to do my part. So, I'm quite tempted to take it. I need to pretty much make my final decision tomorrow. Tomorrow I am also going to the community college to see how many credits I have from when I went a million years ago as I'd like to go back to school. Oh - and also tomorrow we'll be going to another wedding vendor meet up.

Tomorrow is going to be busy! Head up and walk fast. Every step is one step closer to the life we want to lead together. Even if it does get a bit topsy-turvey around here - I am happy and so lucky to be here!

Until next time!

Here and there and back again

This weekend we'd planned to be in Las Vegas helping our friend celebrate her 40th birthday. A few weeks ago, those plans changed. First, we realized that it was the weekend of the biggest Bridal show in the city and we know how amazing it can be to find a new potential vendor. Then, we found out that Pastor Barb would be leaving the church to take a 6 month assignment at another church. This is great for them as our church has been struggling financially so as a husband/wife team they have been making less than what one normal salary would be. Getting 6 months of regular salary is great for her, and there is some savings for our church as well. While she is leaving, her husband Pastor Rich will stepping up to be lead pastor. We were told that this weekend would be her last leading the congregation. So, we decided that Kandi would go to Las Vegas - her favorite place - and I would stay here to attend the Bridal show and see off Pastor Barb.

When we first heard about Pastor Barb leaving, while we were certainly disappointment our only real concern was that she would still be able to perform the ceremony while Rich was the lead pastor just in case that 6 month appointment was extended. We found out that as long as Rich was there, she could easily do it, so we were ok. Then, today things took on a whole new turn.

I happened to walk out of the sanctuary with her at the end of the service and joked with her that she would be terribly missed but was allowed to be gone as long as she needed and go as far as she wanted as long as she came back to do our union ceremony. While she initially laughed back, in her reply things actually took a serious turn. She started talking about what might happen if there was another pastor in place and how there are some ethics issues to be considered. In my head I was shocked - after all, wouldn't her husband still be pastor here? Surely he wouldn't be concerned, right? I posed a question and found that she was actually talking about what it might be like if they were BOTH gone. I have to say that was something we'd never considered. We have a date less than a year away that we'd shared with them and this was the first time there was a hint that they neither of them would be there. The more we talked we realized there was another much larger issue.

Our church was created when two churches of different denominations merged. These denominations are United Church of Christ and United Methodist. Pastor's Barb and Rich are UCC but if they were both to leave then per the charter a United Methodist pastor would be selected. There is a huge debate in the UM denomination going for the last few years about the ability of the church to be open to gay individuals in ministry, marriage or any other commitment ceremony. Officially as of right now gay individuals can not be ministers and should a pastor perform a ceremony (be it union or a legal marriage in a state where it is allowed) for a gay couple they can get in some serious hot water.

In one 10 minute conversation I went from happy to.....I don't even have a good word. The one thing we knew was that we wanted the ceremony in the church and with Pastor Barb. Now - it appears that if we want to ensure that happens - we need to plan it before June. But even if I got a job in the next month - that's highly unlikely since in Arizona no one wants to do a June wedding. Heck, May is even pretty warm. We'd be talking about an April wedding. 3 months away? Yea, I don't see that happening. And if not that - then what?

It was here. Then it was gone. And I may not know until May or June if I can get it back.

Oh yea - I went to the Bridal show yesterday. I scheduled an appointment to actually go in and try on wedding dresses this week. I was excited.

I was. Now....

Now I'm a bit less so.

Good-bye 2010 and Hello 2011!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

While our family grew up celebrating Christmas in very different ways, over the years we've created a few new traditions in how we celebrate the day. Our immediate family and an occasional friend come over on Christmas morning for breakfast, stockings and presents. We have kept my family tradition of opening gifts one at a time, youngest to oldest. While this slow pace has driven Kandi crazy over the years she has been great about accepting how important that is for us. We're still working out how to ensure everyone's traditions are incorporated - or if there are new traditions we want to start - but we have a lifetime for that!

Sadly, we found out on Sunday that our wonderful Pastor Barb will be leaving the church for a 6 month position with another church. Frankly, our church is struggling financially and she and her husband Pastor Rich were already sharing what would be less than half of one salary in most churches. This is a great opportunity for her financially, but puts a few questions into the air for us in terms of our ceremony as she may be asked to stay after the 6 month position expires which would mean that she was technically the pastor of another church during our planned ceremony time. Pastor Rich will move from a co-pastor/support role at our church to being the sole pastor, and while he is great we have a special bond with Pastor Barb and really want her to lead our ceremony. We'll have to make sure this can all work as planned when we see them next weekend.

Getting married in our church is so important for Kandi and I. Before Pastor Barb we didn't even know it was an option to have a Holy Union Ceremony at the church so it would be strange to even think about doing it without her. Just when we thought the pastor and the location was the one thing that was finalized and could never change...

We don't get the opportunity to really make any decisions about our big day until I'm employed so I'm not only feeling the pressure, but I'm also SO frustrated to not be able to make some decisions so we can start moving forward in planning. We've been engaged for 2 months and we're "saying" that the ceremony is 10 months away so of course folks keep asking about it, and I love their hopeful curiosity. It just makes it a bit tough harder on me because every conversation is a reminder that I don't have a job yet. When someone asks, "So, have you set a date yet?" with nothing but love and interest in their voice it's tough to answer, "We can't make any decisions until I have a job." Talk about Debbie Downer. We try to talk around it a bit. Mention that we've looked at quite a few places but just haven't made a decision. But when they start asking quite a few questions or talking about how we better nail down something soon I have had to explain that we would love to - but just can't until we know more about my future employment. Unfortunately, many folks that we have ultimately had to explain that we're at a pause point until I secure a job, will continue to ask again next time we see them. Yep, still can't make any decisions because I'm unemployed. Still can't get a job. Thanks for bringing it up. I know they certainly don't mean it that way and it's certainly not their fault. But it brings a bit of sadness to something that we want to just feel so happy and excited about.

January will be here soon. Three places have said that they should have some "movement" by the end of January so my fingers are firmly crossed.

Here's to the end of an amazing 2010 and to a wonderfully blessed new year to come!

A million little decisions

It's tough for an hour to go by without my mind drifting to some topic related to "the big day". It's exciting and I hear that's fairly normal. I want to start planning things and setting dates and reserving spaces and picking caterers and trying on dresses and a million other things. But as much as I want to do them and feel like I NEED to do them there is one more important thing that I need to do first.

I need to find a job.

Yes, I am happily engaged, but unhappily unemployed. I just finished a temporary job working for the Census that was just amazing. It was such a historic opportunity - and paid well enough that I was able to both save up and work on paying off debt. I was so happy to have even that temporary position as I had been unemployed for 6 months after a layoff earlier in the year. But now.... now I'm back to looking for work. So while all this Ceremony ADD is kind of cute to some folks - it isn't helping me at all in getting a job.

When we talk with folks they ask innocent little questions about what we're planning and I just keep thinking about how I can't even give them a date yet because until we can put down some cash to save a venue, I can't be sure which date we'll secure. And until we have a venue I can't decide on about a hundred other things so no decisions have been made.

It can get a bit frustrating but I'm trying to keep that as motivation and not a distraction. It's helped me keep more focused as I worked on a recent proposal and send out a few resumes. I can't be distracted by something shiny anymore - well, I at least need to cut it down. Maybe next week I can get it down to thinking about it only once every 2 hours? It would be progress, right?

Another thing that we think might help is if we start making SOME decisions. We've started doing things with the guest list so we can get an initial feeling of who will be invited and who will likely be there so we get an estimate. We've toured several venues and have several others we're planning to go to shortly. We are going to look to see what flowers are in season this time of year so we can both start planning flowers and maybe use that to decide what our colors are going to be. They are all little things, but we both think it would be great to have some decisions made.

Then again, we have the important decisions made. I have her. She has me. We have an awesome church and an amazing Pastor ready to perform the ceremony. Everything else is just a bonus.

:)

Ceremony ADD

Talk about whirlwind!

At the beginning of last week I had put all ceremony thoughts on the back burner and was focused on making our house positively ooze Halloween as we were doing a Saturday night Halloween Party. We've never done one before, but this year my partner couldn't have been more excited about it. Seemed natural enough as we had just done our first "big" Halloween the year before so it seemed normal that she'd take this one to the next level.

The party was going well and everything seemed to be running as planned until she took me outside and I saw this.

She then pulls out a ring and pops the big question right in front of our family and friends, who had all walked outside before me while I was in the other room oblivious to it all. It was the ring I'd fallen in love with when we'd looked long ago. Of course I said yes. Neither of us remember exactly what we said. We remember she said she loved me and wanted to be with me for the rest of her life. She said that we make each other be better people. There were lots of I love you's shared. While the words may not be so clear, I will forever remember that she proposed to me in a banana suit.

I found out afterward that the majority of the crowd knew this was happening. She had also called my mother weeks earlier to officially ask for her permission. My mom, being the mom she is was apparently all tears of joy and told her how she already thought of her as a daughter and of course she had her blessings. I also found out that my partner had the ring IN THE HOUSE since August 4th! I'd been SO close to it so many times and had never known...

So now, my brain is on nothing but ceremony planning. I'm calling it Ceremony ADD. Because no matter how hard I've tried to work on something else - I have no attention span for anything except planning, planning and more planning. It doesn't help that I have the most beautiful ring on my finger shining at me wherever I go.

Not that I'm complaining. :)

I need to be focused on my job searching. I need to be focused for a certification exam. And I'd like to read the last Harry Potter before the movie comes out in a few weeks. But all I want to do is look at my ring and plan our big day. I think I'll let myself be this way for maybe a few more days but then I really have to get back in the swing of things! I really do. I do. I do. I do...

And I'm right back to thinking about the ceremony. Ceremony ADD. Dang it!

It's kinda awesome.

Feeling the ceremony spirit

It's October and in Phoenix that means it is the beginning of Wedding season. Wedding season. That's a phrase I hadn't even thought about until recently. I'd always thought of May/June as the wedding season (April showers, May flowers, June weddings) but I should have realized that we aren't the only Phoenicians who like the idea of having the ceremony without the sweltering heat. This means we will be competing with tons of other folks for the same locations since we are looking to have the ceremony in October or early November at the latest. With childhood memories of "knowing" that you are supposed to begin planning everything a year out, we've been looking more and more at the everything that makes up the details of the event. Like a firm date. And a location. Pretty important details, right?

Last week I did something unexpected - I bought my first bridal magazine. It was gigantic, filled with pretty pictures to give me tons of expensive and unrealistic expectations, and most importantly specifically based on the Arizona bride. That's important to me as I don't want to be bombarded with images of brides at Irish castles or in lush forests when I'm in the middle of the desert and don't have any real access to a castle. The magazine is called Arizona Weddings and they also have a pretty robust web site. I'll admit, I've only made it about 20 pages into the magazine in the last week as it all gets a bit overwhelming. At about page 15 there was a list of what you should be doing or have done at the 12 month, 9 month, 6 month, 3 month, etc point down to the day of the wedding. I must have re-read that about 40 times. Every time I felt like we were further and further behind.

But - the show must go on! So, as of tomorrow we are going to a local spot called Venue at the Grove for an open house. This spot is close to our house and not too far from the church which is a huge plus. The pictures on the website look beautiful and almost make me wish we were doing a location ceremony as they have such a great spot for it - but nothing beats getting married in our own church. The big question is going to be - how is the reception area and what are our options for really using that beautiful outdoor space. And the biggest question - is this going to be our reception location???

Scared, excited and more than a little bit "OMG! OMG! OMG!". :)

The adventure begins!

It all began with a Facebook comment by my pastor. Though officially, I suppose it started 9 years earlier on our first date - though we certainly didn't know it at the time...

After more than 9 years together, my partner and I had certainly talked about having some sort of commitment ceremony. We both had a general vision of what it would be like and we only would want to do it once in our lives. But, though our relationship gets better year after year, we hadn't quite been able to put together the savings to make it happen.

Where we live in Arizona there is no marriage and there is no civil union but about a year ago they did create a "Domestic Partner" registry. That registry grants one and only one right - hospital visitation. Nothing else. They might as well call it "Hospital registration commitment". So you can imagine that we weren't exactly rushing to the courthouse in white dresses and flowers in hand to sign off on that piece of paper.

Then earlier this year we found out that she was going to have to have a small surgery. There is always that fear that "something" will happen and we might be denied the right to see each other by the hospital administration. So, we decided to make that run to the courthouse. On her lunch break. Wearing jeans and t-shirts we wrote our name on the bottom line and the man behind the counter stamped it and said "Congratulations - you can be hospitalized!". We celebrated the remaining 15 minutes of lunch break by grabbing lunch at McDonald's. Looking at the time we said "I do" need to get back to work, did a quick kiss in the parking lot and went our separate ways. With our work schedules we likely wouldn't see each other awake for the next 3 days. Heck of a honeymoon, right?

In a quick post on Facebook a few hours later I shared that I was now officially Domestic Partnered. There were of course some general congratulations, but there was one that clearly stood out to us both. The comment of my Pastor. We are part of a small historic church with a congregation that has gotten smaller and smaller over the years as it's parishioners have aged and moved - but those that remain are strong, loyal and have some of the best hearts I've ever seen. There are many Sunday's were I'm clearly the youngest one in the room - but I don't mind. I began going there a few years ago and it has become home.

My Pastor's comment was, "Wow! Yea! Congrats! Wanna be our first holy union?"

Yes. Yes we do.

We'd dreamt of getting married in the church. Walking down that historic but humble aisle. We weren't sure of the policy there and hadn't quite gotten far enough in our ceremony plans to even ask the question. But to officially be asked to be the first was an amazing honor. And just like that it became real. We can have an official holy ceremony in the church. I guess we better start planning.

And so we did. And so began our fabulous adventure.