Thursday, September 8, 2011

We're alright. No lie.

Today we got a letter in the mail.  It came in a cute envelope and I saw it was from my family out of state.  The next thing I noticed was that the stamp they used is one of the post office's official wedding stamps.  The one on the envelope is called Wedding Roses.  I thought - how sweet that they would reply to our invitation, even though we knew that they wouldn't be able to make it due to other family obligations - and they even used a wedding stamp!  I was excited to open it.

I agree that it is great to have close female friends.  I have several of those that match that description exactly.  Those friendships have maintained through things like distance, motherhood, drug treatment, unemployment, prison, and other issues that would test many of the strongest friendships - but ours have survived.  I value those strong friendships very much.  That is not what I have with Kandice.

Kandice and I do have a great friendship.  I believe that friendship is one of the important building blocks of a healthy long term relationship. But that is one aspect of our relationship.  When she makes me dinner she is not my cook and when I trim the trees in the front yard I am not her landscaper.  She is my partner.

A bit of a technicality now.  You were not invited to a marriage or a 'wedding'.  The invitation was to our Holy Union ceremony.  At our church.  Performed by our pastors.  Pastors ordained by the United Church of Christ.  Pastors who are actually pretty excited about it.  And we are pretty excited too.

I'm sorry you can't rejoice at our happiness.  While it makes me sad for you, it doesn't change my happiness.  As for a "lie that same-sex marriage is alright" - I'm not sure what you mean.  I don't believe I was lied to.

Same-sex marriage is not legally recognized by our state.  No one lied to me to say that it was.  Our Holy Union ceremony is between us, with the help and blessings of God, our family and friends.  No lie.

But if you really feel that a commitment to God isn't a enough for you - though it is for us - we can shows you our piece of paper with our signatures on it that was authorized by the state just like a wedding license.  It's our domestic partnership papers.  No lie. 

No one lied to say that same-sex marriage is alright.  When done properly - it's awesome.

And one day same-sex marriage won't be alright - it will be A right.

No lie.


  1. Hi Kandice,

    Your response to your family member's letter could not be any more truthful, from the heart, and blessed by God...just like your marriage will be and current relationship is today! I am estatic over the union of such wonderful women! Know that you are both loved!

    Very best,
    Vanessa (V)

  2. Hi ya'll....I meant to address my comment to Kristin and spell ecstatic correctly. ;) Lol!


  3. Dear "Aunt" and "Uncle" Post-it note,

    I am so sad to hear that you are going to miss out on one of the most special days of your niece's life because you are too ignorant to understand that two women can be in love with each other.

    PS: You suck.


    Oh, Kristin (and Kandi), this makes me so angry and sad that you two got this letter. I LOVE this post though and you definitely have the right attitude about it. No doubt it's still hurtful though, and I truly hope that one day everyone will understand and accept that a family means nothing else than two people in love, regardless of their sex. Sending lots of love your way to counteract this nasty letter. xoxo

  4. To Kandy(and Kristin),I love you both and all I have to say! DONT let NO one rain on your (parade).Because ignorant people like that don;t have a life! Love your Mom Cy.

  5. What an unfortunate and unnecessary letter that was! We got a similar response from a member of Judy's family who we invited to our celebration. It is one thing to disagree with someone's lifestyle, but quite another to write them a letter about it!

    Your response was eloquent and very well stated. I am so excited for you two!


  6. Ouch on the letter you received in the mail. Certainly made my jaw drop. It was quite unnecessary.

    Kristin, what an amazing response. A-freakin-men. Love is love. God made you both who you are and brought you together, and you've honored and nurtured that togetherness for a long time now. I personally am so happy for you both, and to make this promise to each other in front of your friends, family and God is pretty special.

    Love you both,

  7. Kristin and Kandice,

    I'm first sorry you have to deal with this in everyday life. Then to have someone from your family send a letter like this is devastating to me. I'm happy that you have the maturity to see this for what it is. How sad that they cannot rejoice in the love AND friendship that you share. Your day will be wonderful, filled with love, laughter, support, and did I mention LOVE!!